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I must not think bad thoughts... [29 Dec 2007|08:43am]
[ mood | touched ]

snatched from correspondence

Right now I'm sitting in the den of a man named Gene's house. He calls it "The Oak Room" because he loves oak and one day he decided he should have a whole room dedicated to that in his home. There is a fair amount of oak in this room, it isn't absurd to call it the Oak Room after all. My mom's sleeping with Gene in their bed that used to just be his bed. She moved in here in October. Gene courted her for a year and half before they even shared their first kiss. I think that's great because it must mean they really trust each other and I'm sure that when they finally kissed they actually meant it with every ounce of their beings. Now, it's like I've known Gene my whole life. They met in AA. Gene's been sober for over 12 years, my mom's got about a year and a half but it's really more like three years. She restarted her sober date when she stopped drinking the non-alcoholic beer, O'Doul's. She is such an honest woman. Gene is crazy in a good way, like us. His giggle sounds like revolution and it never stops. Well, it does, you just don't think it will when it's happening. You don't really want it to, either. My mom is so happy now. We all are.

Even my daddy, whom I often wondered if I would ever really have a good relationship with. He found his perfect woman just like my mom found the perfect man. My dad's lady is named Teresa and she's from the mountains. She told me last week that when she was my age she was kind of famous for being the only kid in the family (of 7) who could shoot a nickel out of a tree open sight from 100 yards away with her rifle. She sells a lot of stuff on ebay. I used to think she was stupid now I know she just doesn't know any better sometimes. She had her daughter, Gina, when she was 15. The baby daddy was a lunatic so she left him and worked three jobs while raising a baby all by herself to get by. I cannot believe this woman's story, it gets more and more intense. As I learn more about her, the more I love her. And my dad! He's laughing, smiling, relaxing! He wears purple like ALL THE TIME because it's always been his favorite color but he was never very comfortable wearing it before for some reason. He looks fantastic in purple. They took my evil demon cat, Simon, and cut off his balls and front claws and moved him with them out by North Fork and now he's just a big hunk of kitty love. They are both mechanical geniuses. They have a shop where my dad builds racecars. Teresa's been getting out there making glittery hearts out of metal for the purpose of hanging them from your rearview mirror. She sells those on ebay, too. I had a really good visit with them for the holidays. In fact, I didn't want to go. I cried the last night, grateful and desparing over leaving them. My poppa held me for the better part of an hour while we talked through the tears, Teresa joined in at some point and we all just stood there, hugging. If you would have shown me footage from that night three years ago I would have run over it with my automobile. Now, I feel like if there is a Santa Claus, that was his gift to me.

That's all I can really think of right now. There's more, of course. But in time.

Comments: 1 cancelled eye - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

excerpt from SNOW WHITE [20 Nov 2007|10:18am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

"'Dancing is diverting if you are watching, and also if you are dancing yourself. But how can you 'dance yourself'? Is 'self-dancing' the answer? I was fond of stick dancing at one time. THere was some joy in that. But then a man came and said I was using the wrong kind of stick. He was a stick-dancing critic, he said, and no one used that kind of stick any more. The stick of choice, he said, was more brutal than the one I was using, or less brutal, I forget which. Brutalism had something to do with it. I said, fuck off, buddy, leave me alone with my old stick, the stick of my youth. He fucked off, then. But I became dissatisfied with that stick, subjected as it had been for the first time to the scrutiny of a first-rate intelligence. I sublet the stick. And that is why I have become everything I have become since, including what I now am, a voyeur.' Paul looked again at the upper part of Snow White. 'Looking through this window is sweet. The sweetest thing that has happened to me in all my days. Sweet, sweet.' Paul savored the sweetness of human communication, through the window."
-Donald Barthelme
from his book, Snow White.

Comments: ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

testing...testing... [10 Oct 2007|07:32am]
[ mood | flirty ]

SO, I declared 10/4 the Universal Day of Communication and Understanding.
HOWEVER, it took me until 10/10 to tell anyone about it.

I appreciate what autumn is working on. Leaves the color of hay, of alligators and of blood. Crackt open chestnuts strewn in puddles and mud. The cold wet smell of rain, the wind. The impatient lavander sky. Quiet condensation. Brittle twigs snap under footfalls. Fertile fruit trees that spatter the sidewalk with slippery plums and pears. FUCK YEAH, AUTUMN!

Someone told me you'd be here.

Comments: 2 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

[21 Jul 2007|12:25pm]
so, yesterday, my car was totaled. bye, bye, rmz.
Comments: 3 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

IN A METAPHYSICAL SENSE, [07 Jun 2007|01:47pm]
I am growing larger! Great gusts of butterflies stretch my innards until they are so thin you can't even tell they are.

Comments: ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

I pose this question: [20 Sep 2006|10:35am]
Are you humbly grateful or grumbly hateful?
Comments: 3 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

Help For The Anti-Social [13 Sep 2006|11:41am]
[ mood | grateful ]

"Why is it that we seem to be at ease with some people at at total dis-ease with others? We tend to think it's their personality, or perhaps their mannerisms, or their attitude, which keep us in an unrelaxed state. But it's not. It is something within us that is uneasy and they are only the trigger. Perhaps they remind us of a stressful relationship in the past, perhaps we are thinking and acting at a completely different rhythm. More likely they are reflecting something within us that we would rather not see and acknoledge. One thing is sure; our teachers are those in whose company we feel the greatest unease. But we don't tell them that."
-Mike George
The 7AHA!s of Highly Enlightened Souls

NOTE: While I was transcribing the last sentence of this paragraph, the sun came out of the clouds and brightened the world.

Comments: 1 cancelled eye - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

[07 Sep 2006|08:44pm]
Nobody died when Clinton lied.
Comments: 2 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

I Know This: [27 Aug 2006|08:32pm]
The life of a bubble is fleeting.
Comments: ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

LEARN HERE [10 Aug 2006|08:12am]
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

[Life goes on. While "Mo' Money Mo'Problems" probably rings true to someone somewhere, it's more like "Less Money Mo' Problems" for me. I have taken up housecleaning like the women in Nickel and Dimed to {middle-aged phrasing:} "make ends meet". Dirty work but gratifying and lucrative. Looking forward to the 2nd interview scheduled at Crema on Friday. I like the place and it's withing walking distance from our house. Severing ties from Salem is nearly complete. Granted there are a few people I still like and will miss BUT NOT MANY.]
Comments: 3 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

REMEMBER THIS DAY, SARAH!!!! [03 Aug 2006|12:29pm]
Comments: 1 cancelled eye - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

A Moment of Clarity [01 Aug 2006|04:48pm]
I was laying on the futon upstairs; my stomach was wasting away and I felt as though I was about to pass [on]. I could with my failing hearing distinguish the sounds of Doug in the kitchen downstairs and I thought to myself, "Special Reserve Extra Sharp Cheddar and crackers sound simply divine right now. In fact, I think they would save my life. If there is such a thing as fate or cosmic predisposition or telepathy; Doug will walk up those stairs in a matter of moments bearing the fruits of my mental conjuring." Now, I suppose that scenario is really not so preposterous granted he loves cheddar as much if not more than I and we tend to think in syncronicity. Nevertheless I was pleasantly suprised and delighted when this fantasy came to life. THANK YOU!
Comments: 9 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

[19 Jul 2006|07:30am]
Comments: 4 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW... [11 Jul 2006|10:41am]
It's two-buck Tuesday at the Portland Metro Zoo.
Have a wild time! Yeah!
Comments: 3 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

[13 Jun 2006|08:54am]
clear your mind of "can't"
clear your mind of "can't"
clear your mind of "can't"
Comments: 1 cancelled eye - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

[11 Jun 2006|04:15pm]
i dont care
sarah is awesome
Comments: 4 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

From the Living Room/Dining Room/Office/Kitchen/Laundry Room of my Home [28 May 2006|11:08am]
[ mood | grateful ]

It's nice to be at the apartment sometimes. I have a lot of memories here. It reeks of my mother's independence because we only came here after she left my dad and since then she's freed herself of many other things as well. Such an inspiration. Another good thing about my mom is the ceramic pot o' wisdom she keeps by the computer. It's full of little enlightening slips of paper. I haven't been sitting here in a while, so this morning when I was reunited with the pot [ceramic, not majicq... :/], I went buck wild and picked more than one out at once.


My favorite:
"Clear your mind of can't."
- Samuel Johnson

"Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life."
-Kobi Yamada

"Beware the barreness of a busy life."

"Let your memory be your travel bag."
-Alexander Solzhenitsyn

and, finally,

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."
-W.M. Lewis

I think that's a good stopping point for this post. Excuse me, I'm going to go live now!

Comments: ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

YES [25 May 2006|12:36pm]
living as an art form
Comments: 2 cancelled eyes - ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

My Plight For Lists [02 May 2006|01:29pm]
[ mood | amused ]

10 Random Simple Pleasures in Life:

1. Truth.
2. Observing the behavior of animals.
3. Heating pads.
4. Unexpected kindness and/or common courtesy.
5. Coincidence and symbols.
6. Living to TI's "What You Know"
7. The sky.
8. Knowing exactly what to do and doing it.
9. Learning.
10. All forms of art and expression.

I love lists, I don't care what anyone says,

Comments: ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

Irony [22 Apr 2006|02:34pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

"Are you humbly grateful? Or grumbly hateful?"

-Pastor Roland Smith

Comments: ctrl+alt+delete my eyes.

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